i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
