i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
