let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
