ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
