She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize