So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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