tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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