The maid of honor just puked.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
