i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
