Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
