Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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