Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
