I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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