So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
