so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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