Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
