I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
