Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
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the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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