sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
