I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize