You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
