I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you had me at cake vodka
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
