i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
