your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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