What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
