smell my finger.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
