I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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