I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
