last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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