I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
