Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
