she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
how does that bad decision feel?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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