U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
