Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
