I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
