Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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