Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
