you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
