We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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