matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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