and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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