Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
