is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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