If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The convent might be a nice break from real life
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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