you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
