Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
