I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
