my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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