She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
