chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
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I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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