Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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