I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
