I just cut my nipple shaving
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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