How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
