is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
