Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
