I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
