Small penises have feelings too.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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