So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
