you would pick up someone in the library
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
