Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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