I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The uberlube is also flammable
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
