she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
