based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
