It's like God shit irony all over that family
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
