im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
