I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
