She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
