So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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