hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
