my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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