Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
